31 Days of Fright, Day 23: Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except

Welcome to day 23 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Gabe takes stalking to a new level of laziness with...

THOU SHALT NOT KILL... EXCEPT
1985
Not Rated

I have a love/hate relationship with movie trailers. I’ve been burned far too many times to ever fully trust them, and I genuinely think that I should be able to sue movie studios for releasing trailers that spoil the films they’re advertising. However, if it weren’t for trailers, I might never have discovered so many of the movies I’ve come to cherish so much.

Seven years ago, a movie called The Man With The Screaming Brain was released, and I was there. I’m up for just about anything Bruce Campbell related, and he not only starred in this movie, but wrote and directed it as well. Needless to say, I didn’t need to be convinced. I bought it the day it was released.

In addition to a surprisingly good movie (surprisingly, because it was released by The SyFy Channel, back when they were The Sci-Fi Channel), I saw a trailer for a movie I had never heard of but became instantly infatuated with: Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except. The ellipses alone would have been enough to sell me on this flick, but it actually looked pretty cool, in a so-bad-it’s-good kinda way.

The movie tells the story of a wounded Vietnam vet who survives the war only to find himself at war with the deranged, murderous cult that rolls into his rural town and begins laying waste to its inhabitants - not the least of whom is his girlfriend and her father.

I went straight to my local video store (yeah, we still had one back in’05, but its days were numbered), only to find that they didn’t carry it. I checked at Hollywood Video and Blockbuster too (they stuck around a little longer, but they’re all gone now), but it was a fool’s errand. Those guys never did have a decent selection.

Eventually I stopped looking. I got Netflix not too long after that, but they didn't have a copy at the time, so Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except just sort of got forgotten in the constant shuffle of newly discovered movies.

Cut to this week. I was at the last video store in town (not a proper “video store” at all, really – one of those “entertainment megastores” with a rental section) with my Road To The Movies co-host, Jonathan, when we happened across a copy of Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except, which looked to have only recently been released on Blu-Ray. Needless to say, after a short recounting of my experience trying to find the movie, and after a quick look at the case, we had to see it.

We were not disappointed.

It was everything I’d hoped for. Violent, gory, corny, absurd, funny, schlocky, over-the-top – this movie has it all. I’m a dedicated fan of bad movies, and this is one bad movie that hits on all cylinders. The acting makes porn look like The Royal Shakespeare Theater. The shameless use of stock footage would have made Ed Wood proud. Sam Raimi’s performance as the hippy cult-leader – yes, that Sam Raimi – is so grotesque, so excessive, so hilarious that it’s worth the price of admission alone.

I don’t want to spoil the movie for you, as watching it for the first time is truly an unforgettable experience, but I will say that if you’re a fan of insanity like The Evil Dead trilogy or wonderful schlock like Troll 2, then this is the Vietnam movie you’ve been waiting for. Your best bet is to get a crowd of like-minded friends together, crack some brews, and enjoy.

I suppose could be room for debate in some people's minds as to whether or not this is a horror movie at all, but not in mine. We have characters we care about (or, at least, we're meant to care about) put in truly horrifying situations by some really horrible people who commit some extremely horrifying acts (well, acts that would be horrifying if every scene weren't so absurdly over-the-top). If this had been done seriously and had been helmed by a competent director, it would be one deeply disturbing piece of cinema. And I know that there are people who claim movies like this and movies like The Devil's Rejects or Silence of the Lambs aren't horror, but all I can think to say to someone that jaded is, If stuff like that doesn't horrify you, you should probably seek professional help immediately.

Like I said before, I love bad movies. I’m actually trying to start a local bad movie festival. This one is a prime candidate; so good at being bad that it’s downright awesome.

8/10

-GABE


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