Road To Anywhere - Open The Pod Bay Doors, HAL

Well, it's Friday again (okay, technically it's Saturday, but I haven't gone to bed yet, so let's just stick a feather in our cap and call it macaroni) and that means it's time for the latest installment of Road To Anywhere: The weekly blog post about anything but movies!  This week, Gabe decides to share a little of what gets him through the day (and no, we're not talking about marijuana).

OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS, HAL

I don't know what you do for a living, but I'm going to assume that, like me, you're probably in it more for the money than for the love of the game, so to speak.  For most people (notice how authoritatively I can speak for most people) a job is a paycheck, not a pastime.  But how do we endure the soul-crushing monotony of our day jobs?  Well, for me (and please remember that, in all things, I speak for most people) a big part of coping is listening to podcasts, so this week I thought I'd share some of my favorite podcasts with you.  Who knows?  Maybe some of them are your favorites too.  Maybe they will be.  And maybe - just maybe - you don't give a crap.  Well, that's a pretty crummy attitude to have.  Fortunately, I'm not deterred and will soldier on despite your bad attitude.  So, without further ado and in no particular order...

Tales To Terrify
http://talestoterrify.com/

If you're a fan of short fiction (as I am) and a fan of horror (as I also am) then you ought to be a fan of the District of Wonders Network's horror podcast Tales to Terrify (as I most certainly am). For weekly doses of short horror, both old and new, you can't go wrong here. I have it on good authority that there are some who find host Lawrence Santoro's campy style less than pleasing, but he's never given my anything but pleasant dreams...hmmmm?



Nerdwest
http://www.nerdwest.com

A great little spotlight for all things geek that just happens to shine out of my hometown (gotta give props to my hood). Funny, foul, and frequently offensive, it hits on all the right cylinders for me. The only thing it's missing is my personal genius. Oh, did I mention that I've been talking to the hosts about doing a guest spot? Hellooo Perfectiontown!



NPR Programs: Fresh Air Podcast
http://www.npr.org/rss/podcast/podcast_detail.php?siteId=7060034

Fresh Air is the perfect name for this show. The bulk of my podcast queue is filled with short speculative fiction, comedy, and geek talk, so a show dealing with topics as varied as Mitt Romney's biographers, Regina Spektor's new album, and whether or not your smart phone is being used to track you at all times really is a breath of fresh air.



Lee and Dan's Midnight Movie Club
http://midmoclub.com

What happens when a couple of friends separated by the circumference of the Earth want to use watching and discussing old movies from their childhoods as a pretext to catch up on each others' lives? They call each other on Skype, record it, and put it on the internet for voyeurs like you and me to listen in on, that's what! It's like listening to old friends you haven't seen in a while talk about movies, but with a rating system. Oh, and we stole their rating system to use on Road To The Movies. I should probably mention that.


Comedy Bang Bang
http://www.earwolf.com/show/comedy-bang-bang-podcast/

Scott Aukerman (the man with the world's most famous taint) has created something really special here: An improv comedy show masquerading as an interview show where celebrity guests appearing in-character, celebrity guests not appearing in-character, and the host all work together to create the most absurd interviews possible, all without breaking. It doesn't always work, but when it does it's comedy gold, and that makes every episode worth taking a chance on.


-GABE

Thanks for tuning in! Don't forget, even though this wasn't about movies, we've got a YouTube channel that is, and you can click on the banner below to check it out! Watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, and suggest movies for us to review in the future! And be sure to check back next Friday for the next installment of Road To Anywhere!

End of Watch - Mini and Full Reviews

Road To The Movies is back, and we've got a new format! Every time we go to a movie, you can catch our Mini Review that Sunday, followed by the full review on Tuesday! Our next Mini Review (Sinister) should be out on October 14th, followed by the Full Review on the 16th. Until then, enjoy either version of our End of Watch Reviews!







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Road To Anywhere - Throwing Up Is Hard To Do

In this week's edition of Road To Anywhere - our weekly blog post about anything but movies - Gabe talks about his least favorite activity, and why it's an integral part of his life.

THROWING UP IS HARD TO DO

Monday night, as I finally hit “Upload” on the latest episode of Driveway Video Discussions (CLICK HERE to watch), from the direction of my youngest son’s bedroom I heard a sound every parent of school-aged children knows a little too well: the gasping half-sob/half-confused interrogative of a child just awakened by something awful.

I stood from my keyboard and walked down the hall to find him leaning over the edge of his bed – still intermittently voicing sleepy bewilderment – as a pile of semi-firm vomit cooled on the floor below.  I have to give the kid credit for having the presence of mind to lean over the edge of his bed before spewing.  That sort of rational decision-making is hard when you’re still asleep.

School has been in for less than a week and my kid is already hurling in his sleep.  Not that it comes as a surprise.  After 9 years of school-aged children, I could’ve set my watch by it.  Welcome to a parent’s life.  At least I’m a night owl, so cleaning up barf at 3 in the morning is no bigger a deal than cleaning it up at 3 in the afternoon.  Which isn’t to say it’s not a big deal.

I hate vomit.  It’s one of the few things that – no matter how often I clean it up – I’ve never gotten used to.  Poop smeared on the toilet seat?  Gross, but no big deal.  Wet the bed?  Mere inconvenience.  Pool of barf on linoleum?  Week ruined.

It’s not that I’m one of these so-called “sympathetic” vomiters.  The sight of puke has never once made me feel the need to let fly out of solidarity.  It’s just that once that stomach-acid-meets-fermented-vegetable smell gets into my nose, it camps there like a hobo behind an Arby’s, flavoring my food and acting as an unspoken deterrent to comfortable conversation for days after.  I know it’s all in my head, but like that metaphorical hobo, I just can’t seem to get rid of it.

The last time I threw up was in ‘05 or ‘06 – far enough back that I can’t remember for sure, anyway.  It was one of those Hostess fruit pie things that did it, only an off-brand whose name I can’t recall (I’d hate for the good people at Hostess to take the blame for my puke, as I’ve always enjoyed their fine – albeit less than healthy – products).  I’d bought a few of the things and kept them in a desk drawer as midnight snacks.  Maybe the desk drawer was a bad place to store them, but they do keep them on a room-temperature shelf at the store.  How was I to know?  I spent the rest of the night on the toilet with a bucket in my hands, sobbing every time I felt a contraction coming, knowing I was about to fire from both ends.  It was a bad night, but at least I got that wonderful visual to share with you.  You’re welcome.

My son was fine the next morning.  He didn’t even remember having woken up.  When I asked him about it that afternoon, he looked at me as if to say, What kind of BS are you trying to pull?

I’m happy for him. I wish I could forget his puke as easily as he did.  It wasn’t until yesterday that I could finally eat my lunch without psychologically seasoning it with stomach acid.

This morning at 3am I heard a sound coming from the direction of my daughter's bedroom that every parent of school-aged children knows a little too well.

“Dad,” my daughter called, knowing I was awake, “I just threw up.”

Yep.  Could’ve set my watch by it.

-GABE

Thanks for tuning in! Don't forget, even though this wasn't about movies, we've got a YouTube channel that is, and you can click on the banner below to check it out! Watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, and suggest movies for us to review in the future! And be sure to check back next Friday for the next installment of Road To Anywhere!

Driveway Video Discussions Ep. 2: I ♥ Huckabees

Your friends at Road To The Movies present the newest episode of our semimonthly series Driveway Video Discussions (or DVD, for short)! This week we discuss the existential comedy I ♥ Huckabees.



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Road To Anywhere - Tea And Crumpets, Anyone?

In this week's edition of Road To Anywhere - our weekly blog post about anything but movies - Jonathan talks about his current favorite Britcoms and why you should watch them.

TEA AND CRUMPETS, ANYONE?

In the last few weeks I've been watching a lot of British television shows. They're all over Netflix and, in some circles, more popular than American TV shows. So this week I decided to discuss three of them that really made an impression on me (in many different ways) and what makes them different from the rest.


SPACED

Spaced is a show about a man and a woman who pretend to be in a relationship together so they can get the perfect apartment. It doesn't sound super interesting when introduced in a single sentence, but one of the things that makes this show so amazing is the characters. From the emotionally disturbed painter to the bizarrely clueless landlady, this show has enough weird to suit everyone. Also, it's a great way to see some very early work from the Shaun of the Dead cast and crew. Edgar Wright directs every episode and it's awesome to see the early signs of his style developing. We also get to see the start of Nick Frost and Simon Pegg's career as a pair, and it's quite obvious they were meant to work together. If you've never seen it, Spaced is one to watch. And if you have, watch it again.



THE IT CROWD

I immediately fell in love with this show. It follows two employees of the IT department in a large corporation and their completely computer illiterate "relationship manager". The comedy in this show really flows naturally and the characters are inescapably lovable. Even Matt Berry as their egotistical, womanizing boss. Richard Ayoade and Chris O'Dowd play off each other wonderfully and Katherine Parkinson fits right in with all the different types of characters. It's awkward situational humor punctuated by moments of extreme (and often hilarious) panic. It's The Office meets It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. How could you pass on that?

With every show I love, I make a habit of looking up the actors and crew on IMDB and watching some of their other work. That's how I discovered...



SNUFF BOX

Snuff Box is by far my favorite of the British shows I've seen recently. It's wonderfully bizarre and extremely twisted. It stars Matt Berry and Rich Fulcher as a hangman and his assistant (respectively). We even get a little Richard Ayoade in a few episodes. Often the show takes place in an eerie hangman's lounge and each episode's individual plot is drawn along through sketch comedy, most of them a recurring theme throughout every episode. Oh, and did I mention the bathroom takes them back in time? Yep. It's that kind of show.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm a HUGE Mr. Show fan and this show is definitely reminiscent of that. Even though the show is connected by a single storyline, everything stays chaotic and somehow fragmented. Matt Berry's boisterous attitude is perfectly matched by Rich Fulcher's dry, deadpan deliveries. My wife even thought Fulcher was a British guy doing an impression of an American! This show is definitely not for everyone, though. You must have a taste for the bizarre and be willing to laugh at severely inappropriate things, but give it a chance, and it'll have you doubled over in laughter.


-JONATHAN

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Driveway Video Discussions Ep. 1: Back To School

Your friends at Road To The Movies present the first episode of our new, semimonthly series Driveway Video Discussions (or DVD, for short)! This week we discuss the Rodney Dangerfield "classic" Back To School. Give it a look-see!



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Road To Anywhere - Will Pee For Food

Hello faithful passengers, and welcome to the new weekly blog segment Road To Anywhere! Every Friday one of your pals from RTM is going to post a little vignette taken from their week that's about anything but movies. This week, Gabe discusses a Facebook trend that's been popping up left and right in his news feed lately.

DRUG TESTS FOR FOOD STAMPS

If your Facebook feed looks anything like mine, the image to the right is a familiar one. Though (for the most part) I don't consider myself "conservative", I have a lot of friends who are. As a result, I've probably seen the "Should welfare recipients be randomly drug tested to continue to receive benefit checks?" question pop up a dozen times just in the last week. Personally, I'm in favor of it.

I should probably explain my position. I am a recipient of welfare benefits. My children receive medical coverage - without which we would be destitute, and one of my children might very likely be dead - and our whole household receives food stamps. Recently, our food stamps were slashed by two-thirds, and I can only think that welfare cheaters are to blame. Well, if drug testing would give those cheaters the metaphorical boot and help me feed my kids, I'm onboard. I know I don't have anything to fear from a drug test, and neither does anyone under my roof, so - in the words of George W. Bush - BRING IT ON!

Having said that, I should qualify my statement by saying that I am only in favor of drug testing if it is across the board. By that, I mean two things. Firstly, it shouldn't be random. Absolutely everyone who applies should have to piss in a cup while a nurse watches. This really is the only way to be sure that there is any fairness to the procedure. I mean, they may say it's random, but how do we know that someone in the Medicaid office isn't just picking Shaniquas and Jamals out for testing while they let the Skylers and Melodys slide? I knew a guy named Skyler once, and he was an addict. Nope. The system is too susceptible to corruption. Everybody gets tested or nobody gets tested.

Secondly, it needs to be applied to every form of government aid. What do I mean by "government aid"? I mean any time anyone anywhere applies for anything that would involve any governmental or governmentally administered organization either distributing money or something of monetary value, or relinquishing claim to money or something of monetary value, that person (or persons) has to be tested for drugs. Poor person applying for welfare? Drug test. Filmmaker applying for an arts grant? Drug test. Student applying for student aid? Drug test. Taxpayer applying for a deduction? Drug test. Hurricane victim applying for disaster relief? Drug test. CEO applying for a government bailout? Drug test.

I'm a welfare recipient, and I'm willing to do what I have to for the good of my country, but I'm not willing to do it alone. If the poor need to be tested for drugs in order to receive potentially lifesaving aid from the government, so should everybody else. It's called fair play. It's called equality. It's the American way.

Oh, did I mention that I work for a lab that does drug testing? Hellooooo job security!

Thanks for tuning in! Don't forget, even though this wasn't about movies, we've got a YouTube channel that is, and you can click on the banner below to check it out! Watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, and leave a comment or a question! And be sure to check back next Friday for the next installment of Road To Anywhere!

Lawless Part 2 (The Review)

So, as we said in the video, it looks like we're going to be taking a break for a few weeks. Between financial considerations and family obligations, we just can't keep doing a full show every week, so we're cutting back to one a month, but that doesn't mean we won't be posting something every week. We've got a lot of ideas and will continue posting articles and info here, so be sure to check back in.

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Lawless Part 1 (The Pre-Review)

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Shortcuts - Lawless Part 2

Just because we love you people so much, here's Jonathan's contribution to this week's Shortcuts - mini-reviews to prime your movie review lovin' pump!

Lawless

As film reviewers, it's part of our duty to find things wrong with movies. Lawless is no exception. We tried to find faults with this movie (REALLY tried), to no avail. This film stays very true to the story it's telling and all the actors are right on point the entire time. It's usually a bad idea to have really good expectations about a movie because it usually ends up proving you wrong. But with Lawless, I encourage you to keep, even raise the expectations you have, because this movie will meet them, then blow them out of the water.

10/10

-JONATHAN



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Shortcuts - Lawless

Once again, here we are with Shortcuts - mini-reviews to whet your appetite for the meat to come - just a few hours late. This is getting to be a bad habit.

Lawless

The number of perfect movies ever made probably constitutes less than .01% of the aggregate cinematic output of human history, so I’m sure you can understand that when I come across one, the tendency is to gush. However, in the interests of restraint I've decided to use this handy checklist instead. Sound good? Okay then. Writing? Check. Directing? Check. Acting? Double check. Cinematography? Check. Period authenticity? Check. Ability to completely enthrall? Check. I think you get the idea. Lawless is that rare bird; so perfect that I found myself searching for something – anything – to criticize. There was nothing to find.

10/10

-GABE

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