DVD Review: Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III

LEATHERFACE: TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE III
1990
Rated R
"There's roadkill all over Texas."

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre isn't my favorite movie, but it's one of the few I consider to be perfect. The movie's scope and execution is so pure that I can't help standing in awe every time I watch it, so much so that just writing about it here makes me want to go watch it again. That being the case, I had it in mind to review all four of the original Texas Chainsaw movies during 31 Days Of Fright. Sadly, being a family man and having a full time job, I just couldn't find the time to pull off a six hour marathon of screams, saws, cannibalism, and cross-dressing, and for some strange reason my wife didn't think it would make a good family movie-night event. Go figure.

Still, I hadn't yet seen the third installment in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre "series" - I put it in quotation marks because, for the life of me, I can't seem to find the logical chain of events that connects the third and fourth films to the first two - and I had shelled out four hard-earned dollars to buy it, so I decided to give it its own review, shorn of prequels and sequels. Considering its position within a "series," this might not be appropriate, but watching it as a standalone movie might actually have put it in the best possible light.

Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III - despite the claims of its theatrical trailer - isn't where the real terror begins. That's not to say it isn't scary. The movie definitely has its share of chills and jumps, but few movies can compare to the sheer horror of the first film. I'm sorry to have to say it, but this movie is not among them.

If the filmmakers had just called the movie Leatherface, and left off the subtitle, I would have said that this was the first (and least) remake of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The plot is basically the same, though there are decidedly fewer victims lined up at the get-go, and the film adds nothing - apart from a rather flashy new chainsaw - to the mythology of Leatherface and his twisted family. I'm not saying it's a bad movie, but it's a step backwards. Though decidedly nowhere near as good as the first, at least The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2 had the virtue of going to new places and trying new things. This one is basically just more of the same, only not as well done.

It was neat to see Viggo Mortensen (The Lord of the Rings) as the sadistic ladies man "Tex," and Ken Foree (Dawn of the Dead) in the stereotype-shattering role of a gun-wielding survivalist. Sadly, Ken's is the only character here who manages to dodge the stereotype bullet. I won't spoil the ending (though, if you watch it on DVD, the menu spoils it for you), but despite the "Don't mess with Texas" slogans that bookend the movie, it seems like this is exactly what the filmmakers were trying to do. As I ejected the disc, I couldn't help feeling that the writer and/or the director were taking great pains to lump an entire state in with Leatherface and his creepy relatives; as if all of Texas was one big, inbred family working to cover up a great cannibalistic conspiracy. Much like a kiss from Leatherface, it left a bad taste in my mouth.

In the end, I didn't dislike the movie. I just felt that it seemed like a very thinly veiled attack on an entire state, and that it didn't hold up very well as a successor to the Texas Chainsaw dynasty. Taken on its own, it's okay, but if you're looking for some real scares, go back to the original. The saw may be family, but this member of the family is showing some recessive traits.



6/10

-GABE

Theatrical Trailer:

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DVD Review: 21 Jump Street

21 JUMP STREET
2012
Rated R
"I think I shit my pants."

I don't suppose it's necessary for me to restate how much I despise remakes, reboots, reimaginings, adaptations of previously published materials, and sequels on general principle. Every time I hear about a new one, I want to punch a Hollywood producer in the ear and say, "You hear that ringing? That's the echo of your empty head, you unimaginative, pandering dumb-dumb!" So it's safe to say I wasn't exactly thrilled when I first heard they were making 21 Jump Street, The Movie.

Fortunately for me, I have a support network. If you've been a Road To The Movies viewer, you're undoubtedly familiar with my occasional co-host, Seth. Seth is the only man I trust implicitly when it comes to movies. We don't agree on everything, but over the years the movies he has taken the time to recomended have proven him trustworthy again and again, to the point that when he says, "Gabe, you've got to see this move," I don't even question it. It may take me a while to get around to it, but I know that it's only a matter of time before I not only watch the movie, but have a great time doing so. This is not my opinion. It is empiricism, pure and simple.

If you've followed Road To The Movies for a while now, you might also recall that I'm not much for Jonah Hill. He is, in my opinion, a one-note performer. At best, his performances can be summed up thusly: Irritating, fat loser tries to act cool, falls on his ass, makes an idiot out of himself, and in the end shows himself to be a lovable guy underneath it all. At worst, just subtract the last item in that series. Same thing every time. Usually. But not here. Sort of.

The filmmakers' expectation-defying use of Jonah Hill is a perfect example of what makes 21 Jump Street enjoyable. They take the role that Hill has been typecast into, then turn it on its ear, not by changing the Jonah Hill archetype, but by changing the world around him. Suddenly, Hill isn't the outsider trying to be cool and making a fool of himself; he's the cool guy who - despite his foolish antics - finds himself making all the right moves entirely by accident!

This is 21 Jump Street's greatest strength: Its self-awareness regarding all of the overused tropes of both the past and present - mining an '80s throwback for movie material, jocks vs. nerds, unlikely buddy-cops, Jonah Hill's entire career - its very existence is reliant upon. In understanding everything that makes it one of the worst movie premises of the last several years, it dodges the trappings of such a premise and turns out to be one of the best movies I've seen this year.

There's a shining moment within the first five minutes or so, when Nick Offerman (my personal hero and owner of one of the top five mustaches of all time) says exactly what we're all thinking and sets the tone for the entire film. It's a moment when the filmmakers lean in and say, "Hey, we get it. You didn't ask for this and you don't need it, but if we can all agree this was a bad idea, maybe we can have some fun with it." And it works.

It's not a perfect world scenario. Ideally, theaters across the country would be projecting original stories that take us to new and exciting places we haven't been to before, but let's face it, this isn't a perfect world. A dollar spent at the theater is a vote cast for the type of movie we - collectively - want to see more of. The idiot masses - yeah, despite what you'd like to tell yourself, I'm probably talking to you - keep casting their vote for sequels, remakes, reboots, reimaginings, and re-whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-'ems, and there's nothing a guy like me can do about it. 21 Jump Street, The Movie was going to happen. Alf, The Movie is going to happen. The Commish, The Movie can't be too far off, and despite my best efforts, there's nothing I can do to stop it. The best I can hope for is a movie that knows how to kick my expectations in the crotch and - despite the familiar territory - take things in a new direction rather than simply retread the same old ground.

This is that movie. Or, at very least, it's close enough for Hollywood work.

7.5/10

-GABE

Red Band Trailer:

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The Man With The Iron Fists - Quick Trip and Full Review

Sorry these took so long to get posted to the blog. It's been that sort of month.

RTM's Quick Trip Review



RTM's Full Review

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