31 Days of Fright, Day 20: Godzilla

Welcome to day 20 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Gabe goes sightseeing in Tokyo and just happens to catch a glimpse of...

GODZILLA
1954
Not Rated

So far this month we've seen schizophrenics, freaks, zombies, demons, cannibals, murderous animals, fish-men, psychopaths, aliens, ghosts, werewolves, pagan gods, sharks, and fairy tale creatures, but we've yet to spot a good, old-fashioned giant monster. Well, who better to fill the slot than the King of Monsters himself, Godzilla? And I didn't say that wrong. I'm not talking about Gojira, the original Japanese movie. I'm talking about Godzilla, the Americanization of that Japanese movie, starring Raymond Burr as a relatable white man who conveniently translates the movie into language we can understand!

You know, I'm kind of glad I decided to watch this version instead of the Japanese original. I have both, and it's not because this version is better. I'm glad I watched the American version because I have this sneaking suspicion that once I've watched Gojira, I'll never even consider watching Godzilla again.

If you've been following Road To The Movies for any length of time now, you know that I despise it when people - myself included - compare a work to its source material. It is my firm conviction that a work - any work of art - should be judged based solely on its own merit, and not on how it stacks up to what went before. That is what I believe. It's not always what I practice. What can I say? I'm only human.

The choice to edit Raymond Burr into the original film in order to make it more palatable to American audiences leaves a bad taste in my mouth to begin with, but the way in which the filmmakers went about doing it is almost unforgivable. Huge swaths of story have clearly been excised in order to shoehorn in Burr's Steve Martin (no relation), and from what I can tell, the story they cut was the far more interesting one.

Burr's Martin basically follows the Godzilla story around, contributing nothing to the equation beyond an english translation. If I hadn't known his character was jammed into the story as an afterthought, I would still have thought his character should have been cut in an early draft of the script. If anything, what we have here is a movie that gains a level of forgiveness from the foreknowledge of what went on in bringing it from Japan to America. If I hadn't known anything about it, I would have walked away from it thinking, What a piece of crap. As it is, my thoughts when leaving the movie were more like, Gee, I'd really like to watch the original now. It looks waaaaay better.

The scenes with Godzilla himself are truly awesome. I can't imagine what it must have been like for some kid watching it back in the fifties. The image of a rubber-suited man stomping through a miniaturized Tokyo has been hacked to death by more than two generations worth of parody and special effects jokes, but if you - like me - can sit down and really give yourself to what the filmmakers are doing, I doubt you'll be able to walk away unaffected. The silhouette of Godzilla roaring against a burning Tokyo skyline literally gave me chills.

As I've already said, the Japanese actors here get pretty short shrift. Raymond Burr does nothing and dominates the film, meanwhile the locals are actually solving the problem and they can hardly get a word in edgewise. Trying to enjoy the story as it unfolds is an extremely frustrating experience here, and had I not known there was a Japanese-only original version of this movie, I would likely have turned it off before Godzilla even put in an appearance. That would have been sad, because whatever images may have lodged themselves in your brain during a lifetime (in most of your cases, at least) of having Godzilla as a pop-culture icon, if you haven't actually seen this movie, you don't know the first thing about Godzilla.

Should you watch Godzilla? Maybe. If you want to experience a significant piece of pop-culture the same way the rest of America first experienced it - flaws and all - then yes. It's an interesting little piece of history. But if you're looking for a great monster movie, look elsewhere. Maybe to Gojira. I haven't seen it, but all the great moments of Godzilla are there, and minus the unwelcome uselessness of American gawker Steve Martin. At the very least, it sure looks a whole lot better than this mess.

4.5/10

-GABE


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31 Days of Fright, Day 19: Troll

Welcome to day 19 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Gabe takes a trip down memory lane with...

TROLL
1986
Rated PG-13

I've said it before and I'll say it again, nostalgia is a thing best left unverified. Usually, that is.

The first time I saw Troll was during summer break of my eighth year. I was at my babysitter's house, watching it with her little sister, also eight. I remember that I watched it with her little sister because I remember thinking, "Boy, I wish I was watching this with her instead of her little sister." I've always had a thing for older women.

I should probably mention at this point that the first time I watched Troll was also the last time I watched it. I would have watched it more, but I didn't own a copy, and for those of you who don't remember the eighties - either because you weren't born yet, or because you were too high on cocaine to form new memories during that time - actual VHS (or Beta, if that was your flavor) copies of movies weren't easy to come by back then, unless you had HBO. I didn't have HBO. My grandma did, and frequently recorded movies for me off of it, but horror - even of the tame variety - was pretty much verboten to me, so asking for her to record Troll was out of the question.

Back to the present! Well, yesterday, anyway.

Until the moment I hit PLAY on my Blu-Ray player's remote (Yeah, I'm livin' large.) I have no actual memory of what Troll was about. I just remember the titular creature's rather creepily expressive smile and that the movie both scared and thrilled the dookie out of me. I also have a fuzzy memory about something happening with a rubber ball in a basement, but that's it. The movie is an enigma, within which hides a shadow of looming dread. I simply have to watch it.

Well, as you've probably guessed already, this movie is anything but scary. However, Troll is also anything but unentertaining.

Troll. How do I love thee (or, at least, like thee a lot)? Let me count the ways!

Michael Moriarty can't not make me smile. From the very first scene, he's clearly in this to have fun. What other message could he be sending with that ridiculous hat? Factor in his '80s-montage-dance-scene to a protopunk version of Summertime Blues, and it's hard not to love this guy.

Anybody who doesn't love June Lockhart is a commie and a generally sketchy character. She's the ideal mother of the past (Lassie) as well as the future (Lost in Space), and if that doesn't warm your heart, you don't have one. Now, imagine her as the tough-but-kind, lonely old lady living on the top floor who is the only person a young boy in crisis can turn to for help. Got that image? Yeah. She's just as good as you imagine, and then some.

Then, of course, there's young Harry Potter. Yeah, you read that right. The main character's name is Harry Potter. Well, Harry Potter Jr., to be precise, but that's nitpicking. And the similarities don't end at the name. Turns out that the troll everybody is talking about is an ancient, evil wizard, and Harry's the only one who can stop him. When the scene finally rolls around where young Harry Potter is seated across from Eunice the witch (June Lockhart) and says, "Can you teach me to be a magician?" I just about deuced in my drawers.

And it doesn't stop there. I haven't even gotten into the way the evil troll transforms the apartment building our characters live in into a magical forest realm by turning the residents into gigantic turds that crack open and pour forth all manner of fairy forest life. Or Julia Louis-Dreyfus's prancing nymph seduction scene. Or Gary Sandy (no, you shouldn't have heard of him before) running in, looking and acting like a coked-up, American Graham Chapman. Or Sonny Bono's turn as a sleazy swinger whose total lack of taste would make even Joe Jackson cringe.

Oh, and Harry Potter is played by Atreyu. Yeah, this movie pretty much shits awesomeness.

On the downside, the story itself isn't that special. The director clearly has little to no talent, but in his defense, everybody is having so much fun here that the bad acting and scene structure sort of just add to it. There are moments where the movie drags, but at an hour and twenty-two minutes, it doesn't have a whole lot of time to bore you.

Ultimately, this movie was a good time. If you treasure recalling the chills it gave you as a child, avoid it at all costs, as rewatching will shatter those memories as soundly as a cinderblock dropped onto a crystal vase. On the other hand, if you've never seen it - or you don't mind reevaluating joys long past - I think Troll has a lot to offer by way of entertainment. It's far from the most fun I've had with a bad movie, but if you go in for that sort of thing, you could do a whole lot worse.

7.5/10

-GABE


Thanks for riding along! Be sure to click on the banner below to check out our YouTube channel, where you can watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, or even suggest a movie for future review. And don't forget to check back every day in October for a new installment in our 31 Days of Fright!

31 Days of Fright, Day 18: The Haunting in Connecticut

Welcome to day 18 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Jonathan shares a room with...

THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT
2009
Rated PG-13

The Haunting in Connecticut is a “based on a true story” horror movie with a dark feel and very interesting story. It’s the story of a family who has a son with cancer, and they move their family to a house that’s closer to where he needs treatment. Once there, he begins to be plagued by strange and horrible visions, all leading him to the home’s dark, buried past. While there were a lot of things to praise about this movie, more of it fell flat than anything. The story is very intriguing. They’re able to hook the viewer right away, and they definitely don’t waste any time. Almost from the very beginning it’s fun and jumpy. A lot of it is also genuinely creepy, which is always a plus.

Now for the bad, and there’s quite a bit of it. While the movie remains suspenseful and scary throughout, the loud, obnoxious music meant to “build suspense” really just gets in the way of the horror, and makes it more comedic than anything. I know I’ve said this a thousand times (and really, what did you expect from 31 horror reviews?) but the acting was terrible. Nothing pulls me out of a story more than it being badly told. Speaking of which, the writing was horrible as well. There was virtually no character development, and most of the characters were extremely cookie-cutter. The same characters we’ve seen over and over again, saying the same things over and over again. It really shows bad writing skills when someone’s character is cheesy and fake, and it provides no stimulation for the audience whatsoever.

It’s really jumpy, kinda fun, and poorly written. It started great, then slowly unraveled into a very bad movie. Give it a shot if you’re into horror, just be ready to sit through some bland characters and horrible dialogue.

5/10

-JONATHAN



Thanks for riding along! Be sure to click on the banner below to check out our YouTube channel, where you can watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, or even suggest a movie for future review. And don't forget to check back every day in October for a new installment in our 31 Days of Fright!

31 Days of Fright, Day 17: Shark Night

Welcome to day 17 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Gabe takes a bite out of...

SHARK NIGHT
2011
Rated PG-13

Oh, how the mighty have fallen... Well, I could be overstating the case with the word mighty. Able, perhaps? Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, how could Sara Paxton have gone from a superlative piece of horror like The Innkeepers (CLICK HERE for that review) to starring in this debacle?

And it is a debacle, make no mistake.

debacle [dey-bah-kuhl] n.
A complete collapse or failure.

It doesn't surprise me to see the studio touting this as being from the director of Final Destination. A lot of people loved Final Destination. It spawned four sequels (and counting), and made about a shitillion dollars, so of course the studio wants to cash-in on that success, but that's not what I'm talking about. The reason I'm not surprised to find it's from the director of Final Destination is because Final Destination (along with its misbegotten offspring) is a load of absurd, un-entertaining garbage, much like Shark Night.

I have nothing against absurd horror. I just want to state that for the record. I love a good, ridiculous creature feature. What I don't love is a horror movie that has neither the requisite talent at the helm to make it genuinely scary, nor reckless abandon enough to make it halfway entertaining. What I don't love, in short, is a shark with no teeth.

What is the draw of this movie? When I saw the preview, I thought it might be something fun and ridiculous - a bit of B&G and T&A mixed with a little LOL - along the lines of the recent Piranha films. There's blood, sure, but not enough to make it silly. In fact, considering how little blood there is for the subject matter, I would have expected something subtler. T&A? Yeah, but it's all a tease. If you're going to make something trashy, I say, "Make it trashy!" If not, go classy and cut the sophomoric setups! And as for the LOLs, I can assure you, there are about as many laughs to be had here as at a funeral.

So what's the draw? If it falls flat on the silly side of the horror equation, then how about scary? Again, Shark Night gets a big, scaly F. You can see every single kill coming a mile away, but rather than building suspense, this caused me a great deal of relief, as I pretty much hated every character as soon as I met them. You can't create a sense of jeopardy when the characters are so insipid that they inspire contempt rather than sympathy. I kinda wish this had been a Final Destination film, because then I'd at least have gotten the pleasure of knowing for a certainty that they'd all be dead by the end.

"But," I can hear you say, "was it really all bad?" No. Of course not. I've yet to see a movie that has absolutely no redeeming qualities (Well, except maybe for Eragon, but that's a whole different review!). There are two things that keep this movie from languishing at the absolute bottom of the horror barrel. The villains' motive, and the jet-ski kill. I'm not saying any more than that! It's damn near impossible to spoil a movie this bad, but just in-case you ignore my advice and actually watch this piece of trash, I won't spoil those two moments for you, as they are both so absurd as to actually be enjoyable. You're welcome, I guess.

Bottom line: If you loved the Final Destination movies, you might actually find this tolerable. I hated them. Need I say more?

2/10

-GABE


Thanks for riding along! Be sure to click on the banner below to check out our YouTube channel, where you can watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, or even suggest a movie for future review. And don't forget to check back every day in October for a new installment in our 31 Days of Fright!

Sinister (Full Review), 31 Days of Fright, Day 16

Just past the halfway mark in our 31 Days of Fright, and your hosts GABE and JONATHAN head to the theater to check out the newest movie from the producers of Paranormal Activity and Insidious. Is that an endorsement or an indictment? You'll have to watch and decide for yourself!





Thanks for riding along! Be sure to click on the banner below to check out our YouTube channel, where you can watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, and don't forget to keep checking back every day in October for more 31 Days of Fright!

31 Days of Fright, Day 15: Shaun of the Dead

Welcome to day 15 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Jonathan shares a pint with...

SHAUN OF THE DEAD
2004
Rated R

So we’re halfway there, and I really wanted this one to be an epic review of an epic movie. So I decided to review my FAVORITE zombie movie of all time (yes, of all zombie movies) Shaun of the Dead. If you’ve never seen this movie, stop whatever you’re doing and go watch it right now. It’s that good.

There are many things that make this movie great, and hardly anything to complain about. The story is perfect, the acting is perfect, the gore is perfect…man, this movie is just plain perfect. Just for a little background, Shaun of the Dead is a British horror movie released by the crew responsible for Spaced (also one to check out). It’s about a man whose life is so drab and repetitive that when everyone in his neighborhood is turned to zombies, he doesn’t even notice! So we are immediately plunged into what looks like a straight up comedy. Not the case. There are moments of genuine peril and fright in this movie, and the makeup is phenomenal. The zombies are awesome looking (and quite convincing) and the gruesome death scenes are surprisingly believable. Most zombie comedies don’t put so much effort into makeup and such, because it adds so much to the comedic elements, but this movie stays authentic, which makes it even funnier.

Anybody who’s seen anything with Simon Pegg or Nick Frost knows that they’re phenomenal actors and comedians, but I saw this movie with no knowledge of that. I went to the theater simply because I was bored and I paid for and saw the first title on the board that looked interesting. That happened to be opening day for Shaun of the Dead. I had never seen Spaced and there was no Hot Fuzz or Paul to influence my decision, and I was blown away by the acting in this movie. The relationship between Simon Pegg and Nick Frost is so effortless, it flows the whole movie, and the comedy doesn’t ever feel out of place. It’s obvious these two have been working together for quite a while. Even the supporting cast is hilarious. A lot of care and time was definitely put into these characters, and it resonates on the screen. It’s not just the actors, though. The directing really pushes this movie forward. Edgar Wright has such an eye for chaos, even in the calmest of situations. Someone simply flushing the toilet or putting jam on their toast goes from a boring, everyday act to an intense work of art. This style only adds to the peril and severity of everything going on around the protagonists throughout the movie.

My favorite part of this movie, by far, is the story. It’s told flawlessly and it flows so unbelievably well. The story is genius to begin with, but they took it up another level (or five) with the foreshadowing. There are so many things hinted at in this movie, it’s almost impossible to catch them all the first time through. Sometimes you won’t get a joke or two until you watch it another two or three times. And that’s the beauty of it. It’s so insanely re-watchable. I’ve seen it about a hundred times, and I’ve never gotten sick of it. There’s always something small you missed, some little quip that pops up out of nowhere at the end, or a story that’s told at the beginning gets proven in the end. That’s what really makes a great movie, in my opinion, something that remains timeless because there’s so much to be explored.

If you’ve seen this movie, watch it again. If you haven’t, what the hell are you doing still reading this?! GO!!

10/10

-JONATHAN



Thanks for riding along! Be sure to click on the banner below to check out our YouTube channel, where you can watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, or even suggest a movie for future review. And don't forget to check back every day in October for a new installment in our 31 Days of Fright!

31 Days of Fright, Day 14: Trick 'r Treat

Welcome to day 14 of 31 Days of Fright here at Road To The Movies! In today's episode, Jonathan "camps" out with...

TRICK 'R TREAT
2007
Rated R

Just to get it out of the way, Trick ’r Treat is not a very scary movie. But it is damn fun to watch. It’s a (sometimes cliché, but on purpose) campy horror movie that plays on Halloween myths and legends in an excellently done vignette film style. It piques your interest early on, and keeps it throughout. The stories intertwine and characters pop up at different times, and it all weaves together, quite intricately, into one tangible storyline. One can’t help but be reminded of Pulp Fiction when watching this film. And that makes it a really fun ride.

When I watch a horror movie, I either want it to be discreet and mysterious, leaving much to the imagination, or go all the way, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. There really is no in-between. This movie definitely goes all the way. It’s raw, gruesome, scary, and remains darkly funny despite the subject matter. Don’t see this movie if you’re not used to laughing while people’s limbs are being ripped off.

There are a few problems, however. A lot of the acting is this movie is really, really bad. In some parts it adds to the comedy, but mostly it just falls flat and brings you out of the film. While the storytelling is superb and the twists are excellently executed, some of the dialogue is very poorly written. This only adds to one noticing the bad acting. But if you’re a fan of story more than anything, you’ll surely love this movie.

I’d say give it a chance. It might surprise you, and will almost certainly make you laugh (especially if you have a sick sense of humor, like me). The plot will definitely blow you away, and you’ll be impressed by the fluidity of the story. Except for some bad acting and amateur writing, this movie is pretty close to a perfect horror movie.

7/10

-JONATHAN


Thanks for riding along! Be sure to click on the banner below to check out our YouTube channel, where you can watch our videos, "like" them, subscribe to the channel, leave a comment or a question, or even suggest a movie for future review. And don't forget to check back every day in October for a new installment in our 31 Days of Fright!